I learned long ago to never say "never". Because we all know that as soon as you say never, well, shift happens and never suddenly doesn't seem so unthinkable. Despite being wise enough to sidestep that pitfall, however, I still felt there were a lot of things that were just unlikely to ever happen. I somehow imagined that, even as my life changed around me, I would always stay the same. Oh how wrong I was. As usual.
I think I started noticing the shift around my 28th birthday. My life was filled with cute, but flakey boys, weekends spent either out on dates or going to clubs with friends. My memory is a little fuzzy, but beyond that I think my free time - what little I had - was spent either reading or trying (unsuccessfully) to keep the multitude of potted plants on my balcony from dying.
And then one day, it occurred to me that I was tired. Tired of the flakey boys, cute though they were. Tired of going out every single weekend. Just tired. Looking back, I think having a crazy work travel schedule probably didn't help. I actually skipped my 10-year high school reunion because I was too exhausted to think about driving three hours to get there, even if it was to see people I may not have seen in 10 years. But anyway - I digress.
I was tired, and the changes started happening without me even realizing it. I started by cutting out the flakey boys. Sorry - no time for you. You are too exhausting to keep up with. Then I met Todd, who was not flakey but still very cute. We fell into coupledom and he was immediately sucked into the fold of my Dallas friends. Life continued on much as before but changes were afoot.
Without me realizing it, my Dallas crew had been morphing into something new. Leah was married and living in the 'burbs, Jason and Nani gave up their free-wheeling Dallas apartment for a house in the 'burbs, Erron moved to Puerto Rico, Sara moved to Detroit and St. Germain took a job that kept him out of town most of the time. It suddenly became much harder to get the group together, and much easier to stay home or just run out to a local restaurant for dinner followed by a movie.
I think it clicked that Todd and I had reached comfy old couple status when we decided to stay home one New Year's Eve because everything we were invited to do sounded like more of a hassle than a good time. What? A club all the way downtown? With overpriced drinks and a ridiculous cover charge? I think we'll just rent a movie, pop open a bottle of champagne and call it an evening. Lord help us all.
So, now a few years (and one peanut) later, one might think that we've stopped socializing altogether. So untrue. We've just changed venues. And our bedtime. Weekends are more likely to include dinner parties, happy hours and/or trips to local, kid friendly attractions. We still like to party with the best of them sometimes but more often than not we find ourselves dragging in at a decent hour. I would much rather be well rested when 7:30 am (ie Paige's breakfast time) rolls around. Sure, we have a built in nanny but I enjoy being a parent and refuse to just let someone else do all the work.
Which brings us to the title question - is it growing up, or growing old? I started thinking about this after creeping home from a dinner out with friends at a "hopping place" around 10:30 pm last weekend. And after giving it some honest thought, I believe the answer may depend on perspective and is likely to be different for everyone.
Example - I have the mid-30s friend who I affectionately refer to as Peter Pan (*waves* Hi Chris! Love ya, mean it!). I've noted for years that, while the rest of us are getting older, Chris manages to keep finding friends whose ages average in the early to mid-20s. Weekends find him out at whatever club is the newest and coolest. His last party included a bounce house and more people I didn't know than those I did. He's older than me, single (well, perhaps I should say not married, since he does have a special somebody) and still living the swinging Dallas lifestyle. You can perhaps see where I get the Peter Pan from but I would hesitate to call him immature. Despite outward appearances I know him to be intelligent, upwardly motivated and responsible. If he were asked to comment on my life, he would probably say I've gotten old.
But am I jealouse of his lifestyle? No. I had a lot of fun back in the day and I'm still having fun. I would probably be unrecognizable to that 20-something girl with the crazy social life, but I'm glad she's back there in the past. I'm so happy with where life has carried me and I'm looking forward to seeing where it takes me. Sure I'm getting older, but age is just a number. You're only as old as you let yourself feel and while I may feel like I've finally hit grown-up status, I'm a long way from feeling old.